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Simply Unique Baby Gifts Posting Page
Friday, April 25, 2008
A couple of weeks ago I had (2) of my grandkids who are aged 1-1/2, and 3- 1/2 spend a number of days and with my wife and I. My wife asked the oldest what she was learning in school. And she was starting her A, B, C's. Which got me thinking. There are many things we learn during our school days. And one thing which isn't taught is parenting.
From my observation most learning about parenting is like a self study course. Unless you go out and attend a parenting class, or buy parenting books, most people learn their parenting skills from their parents, other family members, grandparents, and neighbors. I find that humorous in one aspect, and sad in another way. Especially since the early years are what basically shapes us for the rest of our lives. And who we are going to be, and so on. Here's why I say this. From many articles and books I have read, many of our "issues" we deal with as adults have their roots stemming from an early childhood incident. Usually before the age of seven. So just because we have made it to an adult age, doesn't necessarily mean we are good parents, mentors or role models for our kids. Let me share a quick example of what I am talking about. My wife and I were invited to watch one of our young family members participate in a holiday pageant at their church. The pulpit area was jammed with kids, all surrounding a number of high ranking church members. The church leader was sitting in the middle, and he was asking the kids (who were between 2-5 years old), what their favorite Christmas song was. Many of the kids, shouted out things like "Frosty the Snowman", "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", "Here Comes Santa Clause" etc. Then the leader interrupted and asked one child his favorite Christmas song. The small child replied "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." The leader said "that was a good pick, but what about "O Come, All Ye Faithful?" He turned to another child seated at this feet, and asked her for her favorite Christmas song. And she replied "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" Whereby he once again questioned the child and asked "what about Silent Night?" Huh???? This question and answer thing went on for a couple more minutes. At first it was funny, but by the 4th kid it hit me. The leader was trying to coach the kids into changing their answers. The more kids he asked, it appeared that he was becoming more and more aggravated. And shortly thereafter the kids started to lose interest in this game. It became apparent to me that the kids reactions boiled down to simple human nature. Simply , words, nobody wants to be told they are wrong. Especially when they don't know the goal, or the even the rules of the game. I could speculate and make up a dozen or more different scenarios as to why the leader was trying to have the kids answer differently with a more traditional Christmas song. My observation is the leader asked a question. And because the kids weren't answering the question to his liking. He was making them wrong, and telling the children that they weren't doing it right. I could also see that some of the kids were getting confused, and irritated when they were told to change their answer so that it suited him. Is it any wonder that one of the biggest challenges many people face is low self esteem? Not trusting themselves. Thinking they are not good enough. I don't believe the leader was doing it intentionally. And I don't believe parents want to consciously hurt their kids either. Yet studies, and research have shown that an innocent experience like I have described above, can actually be the root cause of bigger issues as children mature into adulthood. Some people have a default thought process which goes like this, "My parents raised me this way, and I turned out ok. So I'll just raise my kids the same way." Without giving any thought to the child's best interest. All kids are the same...right? That's like saying that all cars are the same. Would you drive an SUV in the same manner that you drove a sports car? I don't think so. My point to this is all kids are different, and must be treated accordingly. For their interest(s), and highest good. Not my agenda. In my humble opinion, everybody needs guidance, and mentoring at times. It doesn't matter whether you are a child, parent, business owner, or the president of the United States.The question for your consideration is, "am I truly listening to my child and treating them in the same manner I want to be treated"? In other words going back to my original question. Do kids opinions count, or are you just giving them lip service? Authored by Elon Block - Owner of Simply Unique Baby Gifts Labels: babies, children, family, parenting by: Pat Graham-Block |
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5 Comments:
Without a doubt its a hard life being a parent, all children are different and demand differing amounts of information at different ages, what the parent has to deicide, is which child is ready for the right amount of information and at what age. What might be right for a 9 year old girl is likely to be out of context to a 5 year old boy...
I love this article so much I sent it two my daughter. I have two grandkids under the age of 10 and I am always telling my daughter to listen to the kids because I believe their opinions do count. Learned a lot by reading this. Great article.
Indeed a wonderful article.. People while they're young must be encouraged to develop their individuality and in turn they become how you encourage them to be. That's why I suppose some people turn out to be lacking self-esteem is because they were controlled and/or they were, as children too much dependent and manipulated by their elders. And sometimes these causes them in not growing up.
This article will surely touch others... I highly value this and it also taught me something.
When it comes to childrens opinions I think it does count. One good reason would be that, if you know your childs opinion you have a better understanding of their direction in life. Understanding your childs opinion is a part of being a good parent.
Of course it does! Kids are smart and an independent thinker. One way to bond with your kids is to understand what they are thinking about and their dreams. This will help in conversation and improve relationship.
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