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Simply Unique Baby Gifts Posting Page
Friday, April 18, 2008
The very best way to avoid a power struggle with a child is to use "visioning". What is visioning? Visioning is the same process that is used prior to going into any activity whereby you want to excel! In other words, let's say you are going to be presenting an idea at a business meeting and you want the idea to be accepted well by the other participants of the meeting. (Before you think I have gone off my rocker because all of a sudden, I am speaking about business meetings and not kids... bear with me - I'm going somewhere with this!) If you were wanting to make sure your ideas in a business meeting were accepted well by the other folks in the meeting, any knowledgeable business coach would advise you to envision, in advance, what it is you want to have happen in the presentation. You might say to yourself a few times in advance of the meeting, "During this meeting, I want to be clear in my ideas, clear in my presentation of my ideas, have the idea accepted well and regardless of what happens, I want to feel great!" [By the way, this concept in taught in a much bigger way in many business books  I would recommend.]Now, back to you and "presenting" ideas to kids, as that is what this blog is about! ;-) Let's say you are getting ready to put your child to bed. And you have noticed in the last few weeks that he/she has been a bit cranky and now, there is a pattern of struggle that has set itself up every evening over this issue. Imagine, in advance, and you might even say this to yourself over and over, in anticipation: "Tonite, when it is time to put (name) to bed, I am going to feel centered, I am going to be clear in my suggestion that now is the time to get some sleep for another fun day tomorrow, I am going to have this segment of the evening go smoothly and regardless of what happens, I am going to feel great!" And then, fully expect that it will go well and as you have "rehearsed" in your mind! Now, in the event it does not, it only means there needs to be a bit more practice on your part in having this new pattern be your reality. In other words, your expectation, and thus, your success with having this segment of the evening go well will be the norm, with practice. Try this and let me know how you make out with it! :-) Labels: advice, children, parenting, tips, toddlers by: Pat Graham-Block |
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16 Comments:
Good ideas here, let me tell you as a Dad for 12 years that this technique never stops being useful, although I had to train myself early on and now it is more so second nature.
I remember having to say to myself when he starts to fight with me, get on his level, look him in the eyes and talk to him sternly but lovingly and then continue what we were doing - it took practice but yielded results and took a lot of visioning on my part ;o)
Visioning can be used for so much when working with a young child - especially in the toddler age. It also makes getting through those "terrible twos" much more bearable, I've heard :)
I am having a power struggle with daughter during dinner time. I get easliy frustrated with her and lose my cool. I will most certainly try the envisioning technique and let you know how it goes. Its so logical.
What a great idea... I've used visioning in both business and my personal life (to help with weightloss), but never thought to use it with my daughter as well.
Kids are so good at picking up your emotions, I'm sure the extra boost of confidence visioning gives you would make a huge difference.
I have been watching my two grandsons "work" their parents with some amusement. Of course my daughter and her husband think this is new, that their kids are unique. I'll certainly be pointing them to this post!
Your absolutely right on this one. The confidence you can generate through this exercise alone is enough to work with the power struggles between you and your child.
I don't agree with the article. To avoid power struggles with your child, you should train your child and not yourself. Just be very consequent in what you say and do.
It's only now I'm a grandfather that I understand parenting. Youth really is wasted in the young. If I could have my children again now, I would be a vastly better parent.
A great idea - it's all too easy to lose your cool when your kids aren't responding to you. By "visioning" the desired result it helps you remain in control of yourself and ultimately the situation - and after a little practise the kids go to bed without any fuss, and eveybody is a lot heppier.
One of the problems for modern parents is that children expect so much more than they did years ago. Legislation seems to support rebellion against parents.
This is some great information about dealing with children. My mum is a primary school teacher and has to deal with difficult children every day. I will make sure to show her this page.
I've also used this technique successfully, on kids of all ages.
Less stress for the kids, more fun for both adults and the kids.
Great stuff!
Great article. I like the whole idea behind visioning. Now I don't have any children yet, but I hope this blog is still around when I do.
What a great idea! I wish I had a blog like this to come to, when my children were young. Actually, Pat has given me very good advice about my child now she is a teenager:-) Visualisation really works!
@Jason What a great point you make in that it does take practice and getting on their level eyeball to eyeball does really make a difference, as it shows a level of mutual respect!
@sparkie The "terrible twos" (who named it that, anyway?) are more of a learning curve for the parents I think, as the child is really beginning to show independence at this age. The more centered we are with their independence, the less "terrible" they (um...we)will be! :-)
@njmommy and @susanne, Let us know how you make out! I intend it works GREAT for you both! :-)
@tinnitus, I have noticed the same thing with my 2 children and their kids! What fun to sort of observe how we are all growing up with this lively, new generation!
@jeff, it is a real confidence booster!
@jonas I agree consistency is also key! I think we never stop our own training. I am a much more centered person than I used to be and it has only come through practice of new skills.
@lower blood sugar Yes, I think we should have our grandchildren FIRST! LOL!
@catzilla No fuss - no muss! :-)
@jmcweb Legislation can be detrimental. Pretty soon, there will be enough laws to make criminals of all of us! :-)
@danny Give your mum a hug for me, as teachers have tough jobs to do these days!
@elon, since you and I share the same grandchildren, I know how you have used this technique successfully! ;-)
@patrick I know you will do great when the time comes! :-)
@julieanne, I know you are a great mum and grandmum! :-)
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