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Friday, October 17, 2008
What is communication, anyway? There are many definitions that can be found online and most of them list some variation of the following in the exact order:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) When doing a lecture in front of a room, I would think definition number 1 would be helpful. When dealing with children, definition number 2 is much more important. Allow me to explain: Recently, my daughter called me with some frustration about how her 5 year old was doing in kindergarten. Apparently, there had been some conversations with the teacher about this child in the first few weeks of the school year, and along with the phone calls, there had been an onslaught of sad face stickers that had been coming home in the way of reports.  The initial reaction from my daughter and her husband, was to find a way to communicate to this child that in order to stop getting these sad face stickers, he needed to find a way to behave himself.My reaction was much different because I, as a grandparent, was emotionally involved in the situation and yet, not so close that I didn't have a different perspective on what was happening. It was very clear to me that this method of motivating (controlling) this child was not working and was not going to work - no matter how many sad faces came home from this teacher. In fact, the reason the "problem" was getting worse and not better was because this form of "communication" was not working with him. The reason it was not working with him was because of the message that he felt was being communicated via this strategy (tactic) and that was, "you are so bad, that it is making me sad. And because I am sad, I am going to send these stickers home about you and then, I am going to call your parents to make sure they are sad also." This teacher was so enamored with this form of motivating the children that we endly met with the principal regarding the situation. When I asked the principal if this methodology was standard in the public school systems, or the school district and what was the basis of this form of communication (feedback), she said, "no - the teachers are at liberty to use their own form of motivation and that the methods do work for some children." (I personally cannot imagine that but I guess I can take her word for it - or not.) It was beyond the scope of that meeting to have a lengthy conversation about how effective these stickers are, in the school this principal was in charge of, let alone the district, the nation or the whole universe of which they may be in use. (Do you think there needs to be some education reform?) Anyway, the child was moved out of that classroom within 48 hours, so it became a moot point. My appeal to you and the reason for this post (if you are still here - I know this is not a feel good kind of post, no matter how I try to pose it)... Please do not take anyone's word for what is best for your child - regardless of those people's so-called authority status. There are methods that fit for you and your child and there are methods that don't. Do what is necessary to make that child know they are being "heard" by opening up a line of communication with them and really listening to their take on what is happening in their world. As the definition above indicates, there are many definitions for the word, "communication". Please use the second one, which indicates "interchange" and include the child's thoughts and feelings in that interchange. Find out from them what is happening (they are the best source of information) - by asking them, what is really going on! This will go along way in having the lines of communication open during your relationship with your child, as they grow, and you will be really grateful you did, as they approach their teenage years. Labels: children, education reform, parenting, sad face stickers, teachers by: Pat Graham-Block 1 CommentsLinks to this post |
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